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Archive for October, 2007

In honor of Texas-OU tomorrow, I give you Bob Stoops laughs when Spock dies in Wrath of Khan, courtesy of Hornfans.com. Some highlights:

Bob Stoops cheers at the end of Old Yeller.

Bob Stoops hates puppies and Jesus.

Bob Stoops put Baby in the corner.

Read it. You’ll thank me later.

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HOAs are UnAmerican

I liked this part of Chandra’s comment below so much I decided to give it its own post.

HOA’s ARE UNAMERICAN…this is your political goldmine!!! who loves unfettered property ownership…who loves pink flamingos in the lawn…and who loves telling their neighbors to go to hell when they mention your grass…i do i do…and so does all of austin and perhaps even all of america!!!

I know I’m probably talking too much about the HOA but Mason doesn’t seem to mind being told what to do with his property so I have to rage enough for both of us.

I’ve always had a slight problem with authority. In kindergarten, and I kid you not, I got frequent “N”s (needs improvement”) in the area of “receives criticism well” because I rolled my eyes at the teacher when she told me what to do.

Fast forward 21 years, and here I am, with a great job, living in a nice, Austin-area neighborhood, paying a mortgage, and being asked to keep my grass to two inches in height and get an architectural committee’s approval if I want to, say, build a deck in my back yard.

This does not sit well with me. It’s my yard, on my property. And I really, really resent that I had to agree to join a homeowner’s association, and pay it money, to live in a decent house in a decent neighborhood. This organization can fine me if I build an unapproved gazebo in back yard I own, or leave Halloween decorations up for too long. I get the impression that it is made up of people who were really unpopular in high school and were those kids that delighted in being a hall monitor so they could bust you for going to the bathroom when you were supposed to be in class even though you really, really had to go.

Anyway, enough of that for now. I’m off to think happy thoughts.

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Fyi, ice is cold

MSN.com must be scraping for stories. Found this guy today. Guess what I learned? Halloween candy isn’t healthy! Neither is apple pie! I know. Pick your jaw up off the floor. You have to confront the truth at some point.

The Eight Most Fattening Foods of Fall

Oct. 1, 2007 – The leaves start turning, the wind gets cold, and all you want to do is curl up with delicious but heavy autumn treats. And even though our fall favorites aren’t exactly known as diet foods, their calorie counts might still surprise you. Turns out Thanksgiving essentials aren’t the only figure-busting culprits. Here’s a list of the worst eight:

1. Halloween candy With all the bowls and bags of bite-size treats around the house, it’s all too tempting to steal a few. But those tiny chocolate bars are more of a trick than a treat. Eat just four “bite size” bars and you’re up to 320 calories. Twenty pieces of candy corn will cost you 100 calories, and just 25 jelly beans add up to 140 calories.

2. Mashed potatoes They are the quintessential comfort food for fall. But watch out before taking seconds: weighed down with milk and butter, mashed potatoes usually have about 200 calories in a half-cup serving.

3. Venti Pumpkin Spice Latte Starbucks drinks are notoriously high in calories, and their autumn special is no exception. The Venti Pumpkin Spice Latte weighs in at 510 calories and 20 grams of fat.

4. Apple pie A Thanksgiving dinner is never complete without a slice of apple pie. But with more than 400 calories and 20 grams of fat, this might be one dessert you shouldn’t be saving room for. Add a scoop of ice cream (who doesn’t?) and you’re up to 530 calories. It might just be enough to last you until next fall.

5. Cider Who doesn’t love a cup of warm cider? You might not want to skip this traditional treat altogether, but with a sugar-laden 200 calories in 16 ounces, the sweet drink should probably be considered a dessert substitute rather than a beverage.

6. Stuffing At 358 calories and 18 grams of fat per cup, there’s a reason they call it stuffing. The high-carb turkey companion may be appearing on lots of menus this fall, not to mention its starring role on Thanksgiving Day, but take it easy if you’re trying to keep the fall weight gain to a minimum.

7. Candy apple An apple alone is a pretty healthy fall fruit somewhere in the 60-100 calorie range. Coat it in caramel, however, and you have quite a different story. A large candy apple with caramel usually weighs in around 540 calories. Avoiding this autumn treat will be a boon for your dental bills and your figure.

8. Turducken This combo wonderbird is a trendy entree you might want to forgo. It contains turkey, duck and chicken wrapped together for a new twist on the usual Thanksgiving meal. In terms of your diet, that twist may be for the worse: one serving of Turducken has 749 calories and 34.5 grams of fat. Try limiting yourself to one bird and skip the crispy skin. A three-ounce serving of skinless turkey has 130 calories.

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Fun with rich people

Friday night we had dinner at the Driskill. The first thing we noticed is that the tables are REALLY close together — I was no more than two feet from the woman at the table next to us. This would have been a crappy situation had it not been for the highly entertaining people at the table and our stellar eavesdropping skills. Here’s a short rundown.

First, the woman next to me is super skinny. Like crack whore skinny (I shall call her CW for the remainder of this post). The next thing I notice, thanks to Mason’s bulging eyes, is her massive ring. The diamond on this thing had to have been at least 4 carats. It was so big I was surprised she was able to lift her puny hand to drink the pink wine in front of her.

Her husband, we presume, was much older, leading us to believe that she is a trophy wife. This is confirmed when another couple shows up, both college-aged, to join them, and we learn through eavesdropping that he is the older guy’s son. There’s no way this woman is the kid’s mother.

The younger couple are of the frat boy, sorority girl type (FB and SG from here on out). FB immediately begins discussing his new boat, which, he says, costs $80/day in gas and has a 16-speaker system built-in so that whoever is wakeboarding can listen to their Ipod while zooming behind the boat. Through the course of the night we hear FB ask Dad for money a couple of times, for cab fare, etc., leading us to believe FB is not so good with budgeting. SG wasn’t as entertaining, just stereotypical. She said “like” a lot and had a high-pitched voice.

Anyway, the best part was when the waiter came to take their order. We learned that the older couple had been there last week too, as they fly in on their private jet each week to attend UT games. FB and SG both ordered off the menu, but CW and Dad did not.

They are on a diet, so they order grilled chicken and steamed vegetables. At the Driskill. Take a look at the menu and tell me if you would order grilled chicken and steamed vegetables at the Driskill. They also order tortilla soup (again, not on the menu). CW then asked the waiter for “only the liquids.” Waiter, as to be expected, looked confused and asked if she meant the broth. Yes, that’s what she meant. She didn’t like “the stuff” in the soup. OMG.

The rest of the evening consisted of FG and Dad comparing IPhones, a discussion of what size television is best in a bedroom, and FG giving Dad and SW directions to the game the next day.

Saturday, when we watched the game and not only did Texas lose but it poured for 25 minutes, I laughed thinking of these people and wondered if CW was wearing ridiculously expensive clothes that got ruined (I don’t know if they had box seats or not). I guess it doesn’t matter, as she probably had a spare outfit in the car for such occasions.

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This is greatness.

Michigan Officials Bust Bottle-Deposit Fraud Ring

DETROIT —  They did what Kramer and Newman of “Seinfeld” could not.

Thirteen people have been arrested in connection with a smuggling ring that collected millions of beverage containers in other states and cashed them in for 10 cents apiece in Michigan as part of a scam straight out of a “Seinfeld” episode, authorities said Wednesday.

Authorities seized more than $500,000 in cash and 15 people were named in a 67-count warrant issued as part of Operation Can Scam, Attorney General Mike Cox said Wednesday. Some suspects were members of two smuggling rings based in Ohio and others were Michigan merchants who took part in the scheme, he said.

The probe recalled a 1996 episode of “Seinfeld” in which two characters learn about Michigan’s 10-cent deposit law and head there with a truckload of 5-cent New York cans, hoping to cash in on the difference, before getting sidetracked.

“A half-million in cash is not ‘Seinfeld’ humor,” Cox spokesman Matt Frendewey said.

Investigators alleged that millions of non-redeemable out-of-state cans were collected, crushed, packaged in plastic bags and sold at a discount to merchants who then redeemed them. Bulk redemption payments from the state are based on weight.

The scheme defrauded the Michigan Bottle Deposit Fund, whose proceeds are used to pay for environmental cleanup efforts, Cox said in a statement.

“Each year, this type of activity defrauds the state approximately $13 million,” said Col. Peter Munoz, Michigan State Police director.

The charges include maintaining a continuing criminal enterprise, a 20-year felony, and fraud, a 5-year felony, the statement said.

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